Neglected blog, reasons unknown II...

I am sorry.

It's been too long since I put anything up here. Thank you to those of you who emailed to ask if I was ok.

I said there were some issues that I needed space to sort. I feel I need to explain some of what is going on.

It may be a while till I post again as the issues have not gone away yet.

1. Work is just all-consuming.
   My business has been to the brink of disaster and back. The need to focus has been huge and I think I have got that mainly sorted now. But it came close to bankruptcy. Not so close I'd worry about selling the Ferrari (the joys of limited liability) but I might have had to cut back on some luxuries in the future... To be honest (and this makes me sound way more altruistic than I really am), I put in the effort for the people who work for me - they have mortgages to pay, families to support. They left good jobs to work for us. They deserve me busting my balls to make sure they have security too.
2. Sex at home is non-existant.
   Partly my fault - stress is not an aphrodisiac - but my wife has to shoulder a big chunk of the blame too. Some minor health issues have not helped. Nevertheless, it was back to the old days of big pants and turning away at my touch - times when I really needed some affection. Things have turned around a bit - two weeks in Antigua seemed to re-energise her libido...
3. Family issues to sort out.
   Schooling for one of our children became a bit of an issue. I don't want to get too specific but we have a very bright child that was failing. We needed to do some fast and intense work with the child and the schools to resolve it. We now, we think, have the optimal solution but it was touch-and-go for a while.
4. Legal issues to resolve.
   I have had no respite from this. My mother is trying to get me to help in a law suit in which she has staked her net worth. I think she is mad. My firm has been sued a couple of times (tough times attract vultures). I am ahead of the game but these things are a bit of a lottery. Conference calls over the weekend with lawyers are my least favorite way of spending time.

These are the reasons I gave back in February. They fully explain why I haven't posted - I am way too busy. I also have not had time to read a blog in months. I feel that I have fallen so far behind that I can never catch up with your stories.

But there is another reason.

A bigger reason.

A shameful reason.

I have fallen off the wagon.

I have been seeing escorts again.

I loathe myself for it but I am still doing it. I can give you all sorts of crap self-justification - I needed some affection, some attention, some release. But it is just because I am weak. I am selfish. I crave sex and I couldn't deny myself. I am ashamed but not enough to stop. I will try - this post is perhaps the beginning but I am not even ready to make that promise yet.

There is no defence.