Why do women go off sex in marriage?

I am no expert in this field and so don't bother writing to ask my views... However, my wife and I began to have problems after the birth of our first child. The post-birth decline in the female libido is a common phenomenon (apparently described at many lengths in medical literature - but I'm far to lazy to research it in depth!). I have also read that it is more pronounced in women who start having children in their mid- to late-thirties (although that does not apply to my wife). So I should clearly cut her some slack here...

There are two aspects, I believe.

1. Physical
Apparently, after birth, high prolactin levels (which are sustained by frequent breastfeeding) inhibit the sexual drive and can produce physical changes such as a lack of vaginal lubrication. Also libido is often tied into the menstrual cycle, which can take up to a year or more to return in women who are exclusively breastfeeding their baby. Nature is quite clever and provides its own ways of ensuring a woman doesn't get pregnant again too soon after birth.

We do have three children so female physiology could have been a factor, plus she religiously breastfed them each for at least a year.

Nevertheless, there were 5 years between No 2 and No 3 sprog, so something else must have been going on... Which brings us to the second factor.


2. Psychological
If a woman isn't breastfeeding, or it's some time after the birth, lack of interest in sex is more likely to have a psychological basis, or just result from prolonged tiredness. Women, like my wife, who have spent a decade or so enmeshed physically and psychologically with their children can end up feeling that sex and sexuality is something very remote from themselves, almost redundant. They can then extend those feelings to their partner and assume that they feel the same way.

Physical exhaustion was definitely a factor with my wife. She works part time in a demanding - and emotionally exhausting - profession, as well as looking after the home.

So what happened in my marriage? Children draw every ounce of affection from you and have an unparalleled ability to run you ragged. With a demanding professional career (and a pretty up-tight family upbringing), I guess my wife saw sex as being a thing of the past. Given her lack of sexual desire, I felt that I was forcing my needs on her and backed off too (though not completely). I think she must have assumed that I had little sexual desire in general and perhaps none for her specifically. I believe that motherhood can skew a woman's self esteem - they are a mother/cook/nurse and therefore inevitably "unattractive".