Bad fictional sex...

Just as I said that I will write my first fictional account of an erotic encounter, the Literary Review announces the longlist for its "Bad Sex in Fiction" award.

This is an omen...

Still I won't be in bad company - it turns out that eminent writers such as John Updike, Salman Rushdie, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Giles Coren and Paul Theroux can mess up writing about squelchy activities. Royally. The Guardian helpfully lets you read the passages in full.

My particular favorite is Coren's

"...he shot three more times, in thick stripes on her chest. Like Zorro."

I rather hope that is ironic. It certainly is funny...

So will I proceed in the face of this terrible karma? Hell, yes! For two reasons:

1. If these literary titans can fuck up their huge reputations with bad porn, then I feel totally empowered to blow my negligible status in one large outpouring of hackneyed prose.
2. Er... I've already written some of it and I'm too lazy not to use it...

Enjoy...