Mommie Dearest....

Hmm. Hands up whose mothers send them rude emails and sexually explicit texts?

Not many, I see...

Well my mother is pretty unusual. I guess she has to share in the blame for how fucked up I am - though I take the main responsibility...

She emigrated here as a child from Southern Europe. She has emerged as, if I may borrow an unfair stereotype from a different religious group, a typical "Jewish Momma" - i.e. a highly controlling type who will use any and all means (but above all guilt) to achieve her ends.

To her neverending shame, she has singularly failed to control me or my siblings. My siblings have disowned her, barely speaking to her. I take her on my own terms, which involves principally ignoring her increasing bizarre behaviour.

She does outrageous things like smoking pot, asking my friends for drugs (not that my friends are particularly druggy - in fact quite the opposite - probably why she asks), propositioning men in bars, drinking to excess on the few occassions that she drinks, being offensively rude to relatives, being deliberately embarassing in front of friends, etc., etc.. And yes, that et cetera does mean et cetera - I can go on ad nauseam about things that you'd rather not have your mother do that mine does. Regularly. I suspect that she does it all the more to get attention (I ignore it). She has tried messing with my wedding, my marriage, my sex life, my house. I'd love to regale you with the hilarious tales of my mother's bizarre exploits but:

1. You'd never believe me (sadly they are all too true); and
2. It would serve to identify me - my mother is a legend...

She is the living embodiment of the old saying that:

The last facilty old people lose is their rudeness!

Remember, you can choose your friends but not your family!