Journey to the bottom of the bottom...
Anal sex. One of the great taboos... That's why I wanted to do it.
Yes, I'd gotten to the wrong side of 30, indeed close to 40, without travelling the "Hershey highway". And I really, really wanted to tick that experience off the list. It was not something that I ever thought that I would experience with my wife - how wrong can you be? - so, I have to admit, this was a powerful incentive to try escorts.
My first experience of anal sex confirmed that I wanted to do more of it. It was a disaster that nevertheless worked for me. That in itself told me a lot.
I have to first explain that, for all the discussion about sex, I am spectacularly bad at it. It is difficult for me to get an erection and once hard it takes me an age to come - people run marathons faster than I get to orgasm. And as for going at it again, well I can get hard but unless I'm totally in the zone, you better be ready for a lot of humping and pumping. Some women like this: perhaps it's the challenge; perhaps the fact that, as I'm no "two-pump chump" they are more likely to come first.
So anyway, one afternoon, I decided that I would try "A-levels" (anal sex in escort parlance - as opposed to "O-levels", which is oral sex [NB: for reference, O- and A-levels are types of school examinations in the UK: one historic, the other devalued]). I found a willing girl on the web and went to see her.
As I opened the door, I knew I had made a mistake. If the picture on the website were recent, I was a monkey's uncle. It was as though her older, fatter sister had come out to play - and taken a few whacks from the ugly stick on the way. Now this is actually very unusual in London. I almost walked out but I was horny as hell. I was also on the verge of completing a long-held ambition - to move from "tunnel to funnel". I'm not proud...
We kissed and fucked - so far, so conventional. I then asked if we could do "A". She smiled sweetly and lay on her side.
A dab of lube, a bit of undignified pushing and I was cock-deep in booty. Mmm...
I started to move. Ohh...
I reached around and stimulated her clitoris. Yeah...
I slipped a couple of fingers into her wet pussy. Oh God...
The escort was wise; she had positioned herself on her side for a reason. She wanted to make sure that I couldn't thrust too fast or hard. So this felt good and tight but I wasn't about to come. After a while, she took me out, changed condoms and I fucked her pussy till I came.
So, first anal experience should have been a washout but was better than expected. And I still hadn't come in someones arse. I'd just have to keep trying this "A-level" stuff - much more fun that the type I did at school!
As a closing thought - here is one of the great Bette Middler lines:
Phnar, phnar...
Yes, I'd gotten to the wrong side of 30, indeed close to 40, without travelling the "Hershey highway". And I really, really wanted to tick that experience off the list. It was not something that I ever thought that I would experience with my wife - how wrong can you be? - so, I have to admit, this was a powerful incentive to try escorts.
My first experience of anal sex confirmed that I wanted to do more of it. It was a disaster that nevertheless worked for me. That in itself told me a lot.
I have to first explain that, for all the discussion about sex, I am spectacularly bad at it. It is difficult for me to get an erection and once hard it takes me an age to come - people run marathons faster than I get to orgasm. And as for going at it again, well I can get hard but unless I'm totally in the zone, you better be ready for a lot of humping and pumping. Some women like this: perhaps it's the challenge; perhaps the fact that, as I'm no "two-pump chump" they are more likely to come first.
So anyway, one afternoon, I decided that I would try "A-levels" (anal sex in escort parlance - as opposed to "O-levels", which is oral sex [NB: for reference, O- and A-levels are types of school examinations in the UK: one historic, the other devalued]). I found a willing girl on the web and went to see her.
As I opened the door, I knew I had made a mistake. If the picture on the website were recent, I was a monkey's uncle. It was as though her older, fatter sister had come out to play - and taken a few whacks from the ugly stick on the way. Now this is actually very unusual in London. I almost walked out but I was horny as hell. I was also on the verge of completing a long-held ambition - to move from "tunnel to funnel". I'm not proud...
We kissed and fucked - so far, so conventional. I then asked if we could do "A". She smiled sweetly and lay on her side.
A dab of lube, a bit of undignified pushing and I was cock-deep in booty. Mmm...
I started to move. Ohh...
I reached around and stimulated her clitoris. Yeah...
I slipped a couple of fingers into her wet pussy. Oh God...
The escort was wise; she had positioned herself on her side for a reason. She wanted to make sure that I couldn't thrust too fast or hard. So this felt good and tight but I wasn't about to come. After a while, she took me out, changed condoms and I fucked her pussy till I came.
So, first anal experience should have been a washout but was better than expected. And I still hadn't come in someones arse. I'd just have to keep trying this "A-level" stuff - much more fun that the type I did at school!
As a closing thought - here is one of the great Bette Middler lines:
She say's she's talking to her husband when he say's, "Bette you've got small tits and a tight box."
To which she replied, "Aw, Jack. Get off my back!"
Phnar, phnar...
posted by Salvatori at 7:51 am
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