Male chauvinist pig...

"Ah ha", you will be saying, "typical male bastard - lets his wife do all the work and does nothing but fuck other women".

If you're not saying that, then you clearly haven't been reading closely enough. Go to the bottom of the class and re-read August.

Well, all I can say is that it's a fair cop - but only to a certain extent.

Firstly, on the most damning indictment (the "fucking around" bit for the ethically challenged amongst you...), I have now stopped. Also, my infidelity was restricted to escorts. Now, this isn't much of a defence, I realise but it is better (in my own mind) than seducing her friends or having an affair with a colleague. This is a theme to which I will return...

Secondly, much of the pressure put on her is her own choice (and one I support, she gets real pleasure from her professional career). There is certainly no financial incentive for her to work. In fact, I suspect that, after we take into account the cost of the infrastructure required to support her desire to work, we are net down on the deal - it costs us for her to work.

Finally, whilst I am a total waste of space around the house, I have employed some staff to take most of the sting out of the housework part (nanny, professional cleaners, full-time gardener, handy-man). Also, I work a 12 hour day and bring in enough money to enable us to enjoy all the material things in life.

Now then, all of this doesn't add up to me getting off the hook. I'm a shit and I know it. It's just that I am not a total shit.

I'll leave you with another old joke:

Ask any woman why a cat strays and they'll tell you, "it's because it doesn't get enough love and affection at home."

Ask any woman why a dog strays and they'll tell you, "it's because it doesn't get enough love and affection at home."

Ask any woman why a man strays and they'll tell you, "it's because all men are lying, cheating bastards."

Proof positive, then, that I am an unreconstructed MCP.