Sleeping with the enemy...

She was beautiful. Long dark hair framed her oval face. Dark almond eyes bored into mine with desire. Her lips were hot and soft: they tasted sweet - of lipstick and toothpaste. Her tongue sought out mine with passion. I could feel my cock harden as my hands roamed over her hard body. I kissed her right back - the first person I'd done this with since I'd married my wife.

Victoria slipped a hand into my trousers and stroked my dick - something my wife no longer did. I had to have her but I would savour this moment.

Was there guilt? Only for a nanosecond - my brain had moved below my waistband and there was no going back...

I gently stroked her hair, her face. I kissed her neck. I wanted her but I needed her to want me too. I stepped back and undressed her. Lacy lingerie greeted my fumbling. She slipped elegantly out of her remaining clothes but left on her suspender belt and black stockings. I was in heaven - I love lingerie and here it was wrapped around a slim 5'8" model, in my hands. She was taking off my dinner suit to get to my cock, like it was the thing she had most wanted to do in her life - not like something for which I'd paid her. I scattered my clothes on the floor and we fell giggling onto the bed.

Her giggling was silenced as she went down on my dick [no protection - should there be?]. God, that felt good! I looked down and she was watching me, observing my pleasure, getting off on her ability to thicken my erection. Her eye contact and obvious pleasure were arousing me more but I was not about to come in her mouth - I had much more that I wanted to do.

I lifted her head and gestured for her to lie down. I kissed her mouth, her neck, her breasts, her belly. As I worked lower, my hands sought out her erogenous zones. I licked and nibbled her inner thighs. She pushed her hips higher and murmured. I finally licked her pussy. It tasted fresh, nice, horny - a taste my wife had denied me; a taste I loved. She writhed under the ministrations of my tongue and I slipped a finger into her - she was so hot and wet. Eventually, she pulled me up and kissed my lips, tasting her juices, looking satiated.

She rolled me over onto my back and expertly rolled on a condom. She mounted me and rode me hard. This was intense. I turned her into the missionary position and kissed her as we made love. As I bucked faster, I kissed her hard, quieting her moans of pleasure. Closer to losing it now, I wanted to see her arse, as I fucked her hard. We moved to doggie. I was losing control and had to come. But not yet...

We turned again, her on her back with her ankles over my shoulders. I thrust deep into her as the pleasure built. Her noiseless gasps rose as I reached completion. Her eyes rolled back. Pushing. Pleading. Faster. Welling up...

And blissfull release...

I collapsed and nuzzled into Victoria's soft neck, stroking her tanned, flat stomach.

This was good.
This was too good.
This had the power to wreck my life.

Surviving a sexless marriage...

I married my wife for two reasons - and I think they are the only reasons to link your life permanently to someone else.

Firstly, I love her at a deep emotional level and secondly, because there was powerful physical attraction. Neither was dimmed by the years on my side (I am lucky - not all men feel the same way). Yes, my wife has aged. Yes, her body has softened over the years - three children will take their toll. Yes, some of the passion abates but the depth of companionship and friendship replaces it.

This was the point that I had reached when I was faced with a choice. What was almost unbearable about my marriage - what pained me most - was sleeping beside someone whom I desired emotionally and sexually but didn't appear to want me.

Why do women go off sex in marriage?

I am no expert in this field and so don't bother writing to ask my views... However, my wife and I began to have problems after the birth of our first child. The post-birth decline in the female libido is a common phenomenon (apparently described at many lengths in medical literature - but I'm far to lazy to research it in depth!). I have also read that it is more pronounced in women who start having children in their mid- to late-thirties (although that does not apply to my wife). So I should clearly cut her some slack here...

There are two aspects, I believe.

1. Physical
Apparently, after birth, high prolactin levels (which are sustained by frequent breastfeeding) inhibit the sexual drive and can produce physical changes such as a lack of vaginal lubrication. Also libido is often tied into the menstrual cycle, which can take up to a year or more to return in women who are exclusively breastfeeding their baby. Nature is quite clever and provides its own ways of ensuring a woman doesn't get pregnant again too soon after birth.

We do have three children so female physiology could have been a factor, plus she religiously breastfed them each for at least a year.

Nevertheless, there were 5 years between No 2 and No 3 sprog, so something else must have been going on... Which brings us to the second factor.


2. Psychological
If a woman isn't breastfeeding, or it's some time after the birth, lack of interest in sex is more likely to have a psychological basis, or just result from prolonged tiredness. Women, like my wife, who have spent a decade or so enmeshed physically and psychologically with their children can end up feeling that sex and sexuality is something very remote from themselves, almost redundant. They can then extend those feelings to their partner and assume that they feel the same way.

Physical exhaustion was definitely a factor with my wife. She works part time in a demanding - and emotionally exhausting - profession, as well as looking after the home.

So what happened in my marriage? Children draw every ounce of affection from you and have an unparalleled ability to run you ragged. With a demanding professional career (and a pretty up-tight family upbringing), I guess my wife saw sex as being a thing of the past. Given her lack of sexual desire, I felt that I was forcing my needs on her and backed off too (though not completely). I think she must have assumed that I had little sexual desire in general and perhaps none for her specifically. I believe that motherhood can skew a woman's self esteem - they are a mother/cook/nurse and therefore inevitably "unattractive".

Money Factory

I chose the title "Money Factory" for this blog because I felt that is what I had become. I work all day in a Money Factory and that seemed to be my role in the marriage. I couldn't get my wife's affection but I could provide a seven figure income (I told you I was a jammy bastard). I work long hours and see little of my children. My work is 100% commitment or you need to get out. There seemed to be little else in my life.

So why not stop? Well, I'm sad to say that as your wealth expands, so does your expenditure. You send your kids to private schools, you buy second homes, you go on more expensive holidays, you fly club, you buy expensive cars (lots of them - which depreciate, guzzle petrol, cost a fortune to insure), you decorate lavishly, you get involved in expensive hobbies like yachts, golf, motor-racing and shooting (not all of them in my case but you get my drift). Suddenly, after the taxman has chewed it over for a while, the seven figure number covers your expenditure and allows you to put some away for a rainy day, but you can't stop work.

Don't get me wrong, I am not unhappy about my wealth - I don't subscribe to the cliché that "money can't buy you happiness". Anyone who says that clearly doesn't know where to shop.

I am not whinging about my life - I have a fulfilling career and get more money for it than I deserve.

It's just that:
1. The rat race is more difficult to escape than most people would credit; and
2. As my home life went off the boil because of my career, my career was all I had.

This blog is about putting number 2 right...

Is she trying to kill me?

My wife's recent behaviour sort of reminds me of an old joke:

A guy, having complained about his wife for years, tells his best mate about a sure-fire plan to kill his wife, "And it's totally legal! I'm going to fuck her to death." So every morning, he ravishes her. Every lunchtime, he comes back from the office and takes her on the kitchen table. Every night he makes love to her in the living room, the bedroom, the bathroom. Each day is one long round of sex, sex, SEX.

Six months later the best mate sees his friend - he looks 20 years older and is in a wheelchair. He is accompanied by his wife, who is skipping contentedly around him. The guy beckons his mate to come closer and, in a weak rasp, whispers into his ear, "Silly bitch! She doesn't realise she only has six months to live."

Perhaps she is trying to murder me. If so, I'll die with a smile on my face... And they may have to wait a day or two before they can hammer down the coffin lid.

Are you just bragging?

Why am I here? To boast about how wonderful my marriage has become? No.

Most of my male friends are married and their single biggest complaint is that they don't get enough sex. Some, admittedly, find their wife physically - or, less often, emotionally - unattractive. However, many find that their wife simply no longer wants sex. This blog is for them. There may be hope. There may be a way forward.

I will not claim that what is happening to me is typical or replicable. I do not want to encourage men to blindly challenge their partners to become wild and passionate in bed - that conversation needs to be thought out carefully. I was unbelievably lucky in the way the cards fell in my contretemps with my wife. As my profile declares, I have made an entire career out of being unfeasibly lucky.

I am not altruistic: I am also here for totally selfish reasons. This has been a confusing, surprising time for me and I also feel that it will be the beginning of a journey of discovery into myself and the psyche of my wife. I hope that by writing some of my experiences down, it may help me to rationalise what is happening in my life and take decisions about how to shape my future.

How did I get here?

My wife went off sex about six months after our first child was born (a dozen or so years ago) and other than when she wanted to get pregnant again, has been totally off sex. And I mean "off" - no initiation of sex, no oral sex (either giving or receiving), no foreplay and certainly no "kinky" stuff. In fact making love to her felt like rather like rape in that she seemed an unwilling, unresponsive participant. Strangely, she was always very wet when we had sex, even without foreplay, like she wanted it but at the same time didn't want to be seen to want it.

Neither she nor I seemed willing to discuss the dead end that our relationship had arrived at sexually. Unsurprisingly, I became bored and started to retreat first into pornography (the first retreat of a scoundrel) and then, more worryingly, escorts to get a fix of sexual release and human affection.

One night my wife caught me looking at some (admittedly vile) pornography on the Internet and a huge huffy fit ensued. Don't misinterpret the scene, I was not "surfing one-handed" at the time, merely refreshing the mental database of hard-core images that most men seem to carry around. If the truth be told, the site was not even something that turned me on but merely a conclusion to following a link from a forum.

I tried to explained my reasons for doing it and got the full nuclear winter treatment - back turned to me in bed, monosylabic responses. The next morning, I went off to work thinking about divorce and the impact on my kids.

On coming home, the transformation was total. My wife just about devoured me. Suddenly, everything is on the sexual agenda - even stuff that she wouldn't have done in our "courting" days; acts that I'd blush to ask an escort to do (usually prefaced by "What do you want to do").

Sex in the swimming pool (our own thankfully!), sex in the garden, sex in front of the telly, sex in the bath, sex on the kitchen table - she's insatiable (and multi-orgasmic all of a sudden). Out have gone the M&S big pants and in are lacy thongs. I now need to take some vitamins to keep up!

You can do anything...

Making love. Fast. Frantic. Accelerating. Sweating. Bliss.

My wife is face down, spreadeagled on the ottoman in the Morning Room. Clothes were discarded in a fit of passion. 40 intense minutes have passed as we explored each other’s bodies in a way that had not happened for years. My mind is whirling, a heady cocktail of sexual craving and surprise. My wife, the prude, is acting so far out of character that I have to check that it is truly her.

Then she said it, "What do you want to do?" Her voice is full of pleading; not the pleading of desire but that of love - a wish to please.

"You can do anything..."

Anything? My mind ran through many scenarios. My thrusting slowed... My mind is a repository of many perversions - most experienced, some untested - but my wife has never been privy to the darker recesses of my mind.

Do I open that part of my psyche to the woman I love and risk losing her? Should I push the boundaries and save the marriage for me (but possibly me alone)? If I am wrong, then arguments, recrimation, possibly divorce follow. Should I be conservative and lose any chance of being sexually fulfilled in the marital bed (or indeed here, now, on the Morning Room floor...). I would be left to a marriage that fills me with emotional joy but no sexual satisfaction. I chose. There will be no going back after this.

"I want to do this..." I wet her anus and slowly, gently pushed my cock into the forbidden depths, releasing my future to fate.