Embarrass me do II
Smeg-ma n.
Foreskin feta found underneath Kojak's roll-neck and around the banjo (qv) or cheese ridge. Also knob cheese, knob Stilton, knob yoghurt, Helmetdale (qv).
I remember many years ago being at a drunken dinner party. It was friends and their fiancees (or girlfriends but mainly fiancees - it was that time of life when every one was about to get married). I rose to pour some more claret into the glasses around the table. I topped up each glass but stopped before one girl's glass as I was getting to the dregs of the bottle.
"I'll open another bottle..." I began.
"Oh yes!" she interrupted, "I wouldn't want any smegma in my glass"
Unfortunately for her, this comment caught a brief lull in the raucous conversation.
"What did you say?" her incredulous boyfriend asked (indeed, none of us could quite believe it)
"Er, I wouldn't want any smegma in my glass" she said uncertainly.
The sound of wine shooting out of one unprepared chap's nose broke the silence.
"Do you know what smegma is?" her boyfriend gently asked.
"Well yes, of course, it's the sediment at the bottom of a bottle of wine... Isn't it?"
"And where did you learn that?"
"Oh, my last boyfriend told me..."
Well that is just inspired. Think about it. It is a verbal time-bomb - specifically targetted to go off at the most embarassing moment. You will only use the word in a desperately inappropriate circumstance. Yes, it's a shitty thing to do to someone, but it has its own brilliance.
She almost died of shame when we told her what it meant (but only after we had milked it for all it was worth).
And anyway, everyone knows that the real word for the sediment in red wine is jism...
Enjoy...
Foreskin feta found underneath Kojak's roll-neck and around the banjo (qv) or cheese ridge. Also knob cheese, knob Stilton, knob yoghurt, Helmetdale (qv).
I remember many years ago being at a drunken dinner party. It was friends and their fiancees (or girlfriends but mainly fiancees - it was that time of life when every one was about to get married). I rose to pour some more claret into the glasses around the table. I topped up each glass but stopped before one girl's glass as I was getting to the dregs of the bottle.
"I'll open another bottle..." I began.
"Oh yes!" she interrupted, "I wouldn't want any smegma in my glass"
Unfortunately for her, this comment caught a brief lull in the raucous conversation.
"What did you say?" her incredulous boyfriend asked (indeed, none of us could quite believe it)
"Er, I wouldn't want any smegma in my glass" she said uncertainly.
The sound of wine shooting out of one unprepared chap's nose broke the silence.
"Do you know what smegma is?" her boyfriend gently asked.
"Well yes, of course, it's the sediment at the bottom of a bottle of wine... Isn't it?"
"And where did you learn that?"
"Oh, my last boyfriend told me..."
Well that is just inspired. Think about it. It is a verbal time-bomb - specifically targetted to go off at the most embarassing moment. You will only use the word in a desperately inappropriate circumstance. Yes, it's a shitty thing to do to someone, but it has its own brilliance.
She almost died of shame when we told her what it meant (but only after we had milked it for all it was worth).
And anyway, everyone knows that the real word for the sediment in red wine is jism...
Enjoy...
posted by Salvatori at 6:22 pm
7 Comments:
"Milked it for all it's worth." Surely that was a pun in reference to smegma, right? LOL
And all this time I thought it was "spooge". Thanks for clarifying that for me.
How mortifying for her... how delightful for everyone else. It makes me wonder if her ex really WAS all that bright, and if not, how long he's been creating awkward moments with that as well.
Awesome story and great blog. I justed started blogging and realize mine has been too much about sex, but that's because my hubby and I have been on a wild streak. I will continue to read yours as inspirtion to achieve more balance. thanks for the great links too :)
my blog
I LOL'd at that.
I've been snipped so I didn't know about it myself till I was an adult (not Jewish).
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
hilarious post. Thanks for the good laugh and devilish idea. :)
Post a Comment
<< Home