Neglect

I am not dead - I've been neglecting you, dear reader. Not out of choice but because I have been busy elsewhere. So busy that I have very little to tell you other than about the inside of my office, planes, airports and business hotels. I will return soon - I have tapped some thoughts into my blackberry and once I have a chance to transfer it to Blogger, we might get some posts up.

In the meantime...

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Woolworth's. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs £20.00. It’s a lot quicker than a doctor."
So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Woolies. He deposits £20.00, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
Thank you for shopping at Woolworths.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Woolies, eager to check the results. He deposits £20.00, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer (Next door).
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Woolworths

Enjoy...