Election 2005....

A topical post for today, as the British people - proud of their ancient tradition of democratic government - stay at home in a wave of apathy and watch Footballers' Wives on TV.

The Labour Party today announced that it is changing its emblem from a red rose to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A spokesman said. "Condoms allow inflation, halt production, prevent the next generation developing, protect a bunch of pricks, and give you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. We think that you're stupid enough not to notice that, for once, we are being honest."

Asked why they were ditching the rose emblem that had served New Labour so well, he replied, "The rose was appropriate. As everyone knows, it smells sweet and looks attractive but when you look beneath there's just a bunch of pricks. However, since we no longer look attractive, the condom is now a more accurate metaphor."

Lest you think that I hate the Labour Party (I do), I should also add that I find almost any politician intolerable...

As I've said before, my view is a little like the Groucho Marx comment that he "wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have him as a member" - I think any politician prepared to do what it takes to get elected is totally unsuitable for high office (Mr Blair is a prime example...).

If you want to know my politics, I am resolutely centerist (and therefore to the left of Blair) on most social issues but with a strong libertarian tendency (small government is good, given what I think of politicians). When it comes to economic policy, I am somewhat to the right of Genghis Khan.

So, Labour are wrecking the economy. The Conservatives are a bunch of bigots. The Liberals, the least libertarian, will have us in a control economy before Charles Kennedy sobers up. Not much of a choice... Even the smaller parties are shit - UKIP are little Englanders, the Greens are loony, BNP fascist...

Enjoy...