What did you do at work today, Daddy?

AKA Cockblogging Thursday



I suppose every job has its downside...

Mine is well paid but it has been pretty shit for the last year. It's getting worse and looks likely to mess up my valuable holiday time with wife and kids. Mrs. S is likely to have a major strop when I jet off mid-vacation for work, leaving her with only a nanny, maid and cook for support... Cue major emotional blackmail. If she thinks I'd rather spend 14 hours travelling to go to a vital business meeting (and then 14 hours back) than lying by the pool with her in a bikini, watching the kids having fun, she is mad (but that's what she'll say...).

Still, could be worse - at least I don't have to inspect a cetacean's wedding tackle on a regular basis. Though, I suppose there are some people out there for whom holding an odontocetid's penis would be a pleasant task.

As an aside - I know that lots of ladies say that size isn't important but that just makes me feel a little inadequate.

I'm off on business and hols for a few weeks and I don't know how much time I'll have for blogging. Feel free to browse the archives while I'm gone.

As always, enjoy...

Blub your heart out...

Forgive me coming over all metrosexual for a second but I have to 'fess up to something...

I cry at movies and plays.

Almost anything sets me off.

But I have to say when I was watching the "Railway Children" with my kids last night and, the moment Jenny Agutter says "Daddy! My Daddy!", as her falsly imprisoned father returns, I cried like a baby. I'm choking up now just thinking about it. I'd challenge any father, particularly one with a daughter, not to wipe a tear from his eye at that moment. It's partly the circumstances, partly the delivery, and partly the writing. Most writers would have plumped for "Daddy, daddy!". It's that little "my" that changes the cadence and delivers a killer punch - the lost years returning to her.

As an aside, I also have to admit that I'm "wierded out" by the fact that it is Jenny Agutter delivering that line - she, who was one of my first adolescent fantasies when she goes skinny dipping in "Walkabout". And don't even get me started on that shower scene in "American Werewolf in London"... I get hard-on's in movies too - perhaps I'm not so metrosexual after all.



So, dear readers, a question for you...

What makes you cry at the movies or am I just a big girl's blouse?

Enjoy...

Betty doesn't take shit from anyone...

Hey Bomber! Dat ho will put a cap in yo ass...

(There goes the knighthood...)

Enjoy...

Shoulder to cry on...

Celeb watching is so not my thing...

But... If Sienna wants a shoulder to cry on, I'm here for her - that's all I'm saying...

I mean, what a prat that Jude Law is... However, if you wanted proof that men pretty much want to play "hide the salami" with any female with a pulse, then Jude just provided it.

As an aside, it sort of makes you wonder about whether he wanted to get caught because I think you'd have to assume that, if you're famous, there is a high probability that someone will sell you out to the papers. Reminds me of something my uncle, a renouned bachelor, once told me, when, as a young man, I said you shouldn't bother trying to chat up a beautiful girl because she would already have a boyfriend.

"Salvatori," he said. "You could not be more wrong. Firstly, most men are too scared to approach them - don't be one of them. Secondly, no matter how beautiful the woman, there is some man who is tired of taking her shit." (Political correctness was not his strong point...) However, his point was apposite (if somewhat controversially made) - men split from beautiful women all the time. I made capital out of that at university many a time.

Enjoy...

Ladder Theory...

Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing... You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

"When Harry Met Sally", Nora Ephron

Whilst I really don't want to put any traffic his way and perpetuate some of the misogynistic crap he spouts, I had a look at this site: Intellectual Whores. However disgusting some of the author's (Dallas Lynn) message is, as with any poisonous propaganda (and this guy has probably studied Goebbels, IMHO), there is a strong underlying thread of truth, and I'd like to examine that as a theory.

His basic premise, from which he backs out all sorts of hateful shit (this guy has some issues), is that men and women are fundamentally different in the way that they approach relationships (well nothing insightful there, you might rightly say). However, I do like his basic theory:

• All men and women rank their acquaintances on a ladder of attraction;
• Men rank them on a single ladder;
• Women have two ladders - one for men that they want to have sex with and one that they don't ever want to have sex with.

Now that obviously means that men always want to have sex with all their female acquaintances. That may seem pretty extreme for most women to grasp (and a few men for that matter) but in my experience, it's pretty true. There are some exceptions to a man wanting to shag everything in a skirt but they are somewhat proscribed. The reasons Dallas gives why a man would not try and put his hand up her skirt are if the man:

1. Is gay;
2. Is already seeing someone far more attractive than the woman; or
3. Finds the woman so unattractive that he would only sleep with her, were he drunk (which, if you think about it isn't really an exception at all).

To that I'd add, if the lady is such a mentalist that doing so would end up having you pursued by a bunny-boiling haridan till the end of your days (Dallas isn't the only one with "issues"...).

Women are clearly different. Yes, she won't find you attractive if she's a lesbian. Yes, she won't sleep with you if you're way less attractive than her current beau. But - and this is crucial to his argument (and I agree) - she has a group of male friends that she does not think of in sexual terms - what the proponent of this theory calls "intellectual whores" or "cuddle bitches" (both hateful terms that show the type of problem he has). These are men who she likes and is quite happy to spend time with but never wants to sleep with.

I have been in this situation - had female friends whom I was desparate to fuck but who would only let me take them out and entertain them before they went home and rang an abusive, illiterate boyfriend to come round and screw them (in both senses of the word).

How many times have I heard the following:

• "You're like a brother to me"
• "I feel like I can talk to you about anything"
• "You're so nice"

All of those are the kiss of death. What I know now, is that, if I ever heard those words, I'd never get to "make the beast with two backs" with the lady in question. It was the story of my school days - as soon as I tried to take it further with girls with whom I'd been spending time, I'd be cut dead. This, unsurprisingly, confused and frustrated me (now we see whence my issues come...). It also might explain why men are so poor at reading women's signals - the "I just want to be friends" one doesn't exist in our lexicon.

However, once I was on the Varsity team and "mad, bad and dangerous to know", I had to beat off the ladies with a shitty stick (# pauses to muse on what sort of wierdos will now find this site after that last phrase #).

Thus my experience fits almost perfectly with the Ladder Theory. But it doesn't make it right to say things like: "Women seem to especially like it if you are more devoted to your bad music, biker gang, forearm tattoo or marijuana. " That's just wrong (coming from a man that used to enjoy sticking his willy up an escort's bottom)...

Enjoy...

Puzzle....

OK - it's just a thinly disguised attempt to put up another picture of the rather lovely Ana Hickmann in lingerie. I have put a larger, easier version here if you are struggling to do this in the confines of my page.

Thanks to Boobs & Legs for the link. She has put up a fiendishly difficult puzzle in which your perseverance is rewarded with a rather intimate shot of her. Very time consuming but lovely.

Enjoy...

Propaganda...

Forgive me but one last post before we get back to sex...

The media has really been pissing me off here. Every news bulletin is interviewing some commuter asking "Are you scared to use public transport?". If the person has the temerity to answer "no", then they follow up with "Really? Are you sure?". They have gone out of their way to show streets that are empty and busses and trains that are less than full. And yet when I look out of my office window, I see as many people in London as I always do. My train this morning had its normal, overcrowded, standing-room-only (well not in first class where I sit...) environment. All my staff are in work. That is the news story.

What do the terrorists want? To spread fear...

What have ordinary Londoners done (often, admittedly, because they have no choice) is not give into that fear - to stop the terrorists from winning. They have got on with their lives.

And what do our loyal media try to do? Deepen that fear, perpetuate the threat, show the terror...

A simple question: whose side are they on?

Thank you...

Britain Gives The Terrorists a Message...


Thank you for all the emails and expressions of concern. I am very touched.

Londoners will not be bowed or intimidated by this - not an issue - but your support to all of us who live and work in London is welcome.

It's for all those who have lost someone, for those who are critically ill in hospital beds, as we sit here in good health - all those families blighted.

Our thoughts are with you......

As evidence, London is almost back to normal, people at work, cars on the street - the best answer to the terrorists. Fuck 'em.

To quote Churchill again:

"I see the damage done by the enemy ...but I also see the spirit of an unconquerable people."

I am still very angry about the attack on Londoners. However, I want to make clear that my anger is aimed at the terrorists, not the Muslim community. The true Islamic faith would find the actions of the bombers abhorent.

Two posts yesterday had particular resonance for me. The first was Monmouth's on Bus Number 30:

"The number 30 from Hackney Wick, perhaps by coincidence, already represents everything the Islamo-fascists hate. It wends its big red way from one of the most diverse neighbourhoods in East London. ...in London the first thing you'll notice, particularly in the East End, is the enormous variety of languages, dress, ethnicity. ...no. 30 had representatives of each one of the three great monotheisms peacefully riding along together, rubbing shoulders... The prayers at their funerals will be in many tongues, in churches, synagogues and mosques."

We have to remember that what these dickless cowards want is to drive divisions between communities (as did the Catholic and Protestant hardliners in Northern Ireland). The best response, as Monmouth hints at, is to draw the communities together and for the communities to cut off the life blood of terrorism - they thrive on two things: hate and cash.

Which brings me to the second - a sadder tale from Bridget Who of being approached by a Neanderthal tosser, where he suggests to her that we attack Britain's Muslim community - one small, sad success for the bombers.

How we act now will determine how pleased the shits will be. Let's leave them disappointed.

Finally, a confession. I have to admit to being rather selfishly relieved - I regularly go through one of the stations attacked (though earlier than the terrorists struck). I have been expecting an attack since the beginning of the year - with the election, the UK presidency of the EU and the G8, this was when they would strike. I feel guilty that one of the thoughts going through my mind yesterday was "Ha! Missed me."

Just let me at them...

Well, inevitably, the bastards have struck...

How little they understand the English:

• Hitler tried to bomb the British into submission and ended up committing suicide in a bunker. There is a lesson there for Al-Qaeda. Wankers.
• The IRA tried for decades to break the English spirit by bombing us. It merely delayed the inevitable settlement - yes, delayed it - the British government wanted a solution but couldn't negotiate with the tossers.

It is times such as this that the British unite to defeat the aims of their foes.

Churchill summed up the views of his people:

"...we shall not flag or fail.

We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender..."

My thoughts go out to anyone who has been injured or killed and the relatives that have to cope with loss.

That the jihadists timed an attack when the G8 are (hopefully) trying to "make poverty history" and (again hopefully) put in place environmental reforms to protect the planet, shows what a bunch of arseholes they really are. Give me a few hours with a shotgun, a knife and some electricity with some of these fuckwits...

May the terrorists be afflicted with suppurating sores on their genitals and die in agony, alone and unloved. Or alternatively, may the SAS hunt them down (it's sort of the same thing).

Independence...

to all my American readers.

Trust me - we celebrate the fact that you are nothing to do with us as much as you do!

Enjoy...

BTW, thanks to a lovely (and private) lady who showed me where the Spell with Flickr program is... You know who you are, even if I can't tell everyone else...

Get with the programme...

MIT are doing an online survey of bloggers. Some of the questions are a bit dumb ("why do you blog" does not have a "because I want to whitter on about my sex life" option...) but I think it is essentially a good idea.

Give them some of your time by clicking on the link below:



Enjoy...