New Year Resolutions (redux)...

This time last year, I set out my New Year resolutions for 2005. This exposed me to potential ridicule. So, for those of you hoping to have a good laugh at my expense, how did I do?

1. Stay faithful to my wife
   Tick. Job done. But not as easy as I'd have liked... My wife seems to be happy with a couple of shags a month. Usually mid-cycle. Fuck, that isn't enough. One a week and I am like a caged lion... But weeks without? She always has a valid reason ("too tired", "got to get up early", etc.) and I have been partly to blame (cold, back problem, travelling, etc.). But this was not the easiest thing to keep to - particularly when having dinner in Paris with one of our secretaries who was there on a city break when I was there on business. Mmm, much flirting, a bit of touching and, had it not been for a sudden moment of clarity on my part, a proposition would have followed.
   
2. Avoid escorts
   I still occasionally cruise the escort agency websites but I have let my membership to Captain 69 (the escort review site) lapse. Other than chance encounters (that did not involve an exchange of bodily fluids), I have not seen an escort in 2005. Tick.
   
3. Spend more time with my kids
   Well, a bit. Not in the way I'd like... Bah!
   
4. Earn enough to retire
   Cross. My worst year for a while in compensation terms. Still a seven figure amount but my deals just didn't come together.
   
5. Keep a clean driving licence
   Tick. Don't know how - saw 150mph on a UK motorway...
   
6. Get fit again
   Yeah but no but yeah. I ended the year fitter than I started it but also heavier...
   
7. Have fun
   Tick. Lots of fun things were done. :-)
   
8. Blog more
   Failed. To be pedantically exact, 2.29 posts per week versus 2.39p/w in 2004. In my defense, the last few months of 2004 were momentous for my marriage. It is difficult to replicate that over a longer period.
   
9. Actually do something sensible with my money
   Tick. I made a chunk of money investing in 2005. That Japan rally was soooo good...
   
10. Hold the world to ransom with my giant "laser" ## mwhah, hah, hah ##
    Damn. Maybe next year... Actually my point was that the absence of free trade and the overuse of agricultural subsidies are killing the world's poor. The politicians have done nothing in this area and the empty (though very worthy) posturing of a few pop stars have not really moved the situation forward.

So what are my resolutions for this year? Well, being a fundamentally lazy bastard, I thought that I might try some stuff that I can deal with easily:

1. Masturbate more - god, that'll be tough...
2. Procrastinate more - why do today...
3. Drink - excess is good...
4. Watch more TV - I've been missing some good stuff...
5. Gain weight - about 5kg should do it...
6. Assume full responsibility for my actions - except the ones that are someone else's fault..
7. I will not suffer in silence - not while I can still moan, whimper, and complain...
8. I will gladly share my experience and advice - there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"...
9. At the weekends, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear - I will move my computer into the bedroom...
10. Before I criticise a man, I will walk a mile in his shoes - that way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot... (Ah, the old ones are always the best...)

Enjoy...